It’s 7am Saturday morning, the alarm goes off…feeling a little groggy from the night before, you think to yourself, “shit all I had was 3 drinks and a little dessert last night, I shouldn’t feel like crap.” You grab a glass of water and open the fridge to vast emptiness.
Damn it. You’re hungry but there’s nothing to eat. You get a text from your wife. She’s meeting a bunch of friends with the kids for brunch and asks you to join. Why not?
Slightly hungover, stomach growling, distracted by a full table of kids and adults, the waiter interjects — you ready? No time to look over the menu, your buddy just ordered a burger and that’s sounds great to you — why not you say, “make it 2 – burger and fries please.”
Then dinner rolls around and the fridge is still empty so you think screw it, let’s order a pizza. Your wife cracks open a bottle of wine, and boom – it’s Saturday night pizza and wine night. And why the fuck not, let’s go out and grab some ice cream after.
“Come on kiddos..caramel chocolate ice cream cones for everyone!”
You ever been there? I know I have.
It’s the classic example of one fuck up, that is, ONE poor meal choice or ONE night out, leading to a series of poor choices the next day. This can quickly cascade into a full blown case of what I call “the fuck its.” It’s the all-too-common thinking that you’ve already screwed up, what the hell, keep the fun going and then you’ll clean it up tomorrow. Or Monday. Or next week. You know how it goes.
Spending the last decade helping men in their 40’s, and 50’s get fitter and healthier as they get older, the #1 obstacle that stops guys from making progress is this classic case of the fuck its.
Here’s one of my golden rules of coaching:
The less case of the fuck its you have in your life, the better off you will be. The leaner you will be. The stronger you will be. The more energy you will have. The healthier you will be.
Let’s first make a distinction between a fuck up and a case of the fuck its.
Fuck ups happen all the time. Shit, I just crushed a pint of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream last night. That’s a fuck up.
But I didn’t let the fuck up turn into a case of the fuck its. Big difference.
This morning I woke up early, got my morning workout in, got right back on track with my scheduled morning fasting and then had a big salad for lunch. I’m right back on track. No case of the fuck its here.
You see the difference?
**I hesitate in using the word fuck up because I do believe we need to take judgement out of our food choices. There’s no inherent good or bad with food. The labeling of food good or bad, healthy or unhealthy has its own problems, one that’s beyond the scope of this post for right now. But you get my point. **
By fuck ups, I’m mostly referring to ONE meal that has one or many of the following characteristics: High fat, high carbohydrate, low protein, low nutrients, hyper palatable (easy to overeat), and most likely booze involved. Common examples of fuck ups:
- The pizza and ice cream Saturday night date.
- Crushing 5 beers, wings, and a burger with the boys on Sunday.
- Opting for the chocolate banana muffin with your iced coffee.
- Skipping your workout and having 4 beers at happy hour with your co-workers instead.
Here’s the thing with fuck ups, they’re going to happen. But it’s what you do next that makes all the difference. If it leads to the fuck its, you’re going to be in trouble long term. The pizza / beer / ice cream weekend example is a common one where all of sudden 5 days of solid effort, good eating, and consistent workouts gets washed out by a case of the fuck its.
Or another common example, this one a little more insidious..
You wake up tired, hit snooze a few times, and you’re going to be late to work. There’s no time to make breakfast so you grab a muffin with your coffee. You get a nice hit of the sugar high but by 11am, you’re super hungry. Lunch time hits but a work meeting pops up, you only have 15 minutes to grab a quick meal. You say fuck-it to the salad and you grab a sandwich and chips instead because it’s convenient. You’re satisfied for the moment, but once 3pm rolls around, it’s time for another coffee. And since you’ve already fucked up with your breakfast and lunch, a cookie or 2 wont hurt that much. Boom, you get a few cookies with your afternoon coffee. Fuck it, why not.
Why This Matters
In order to feel better in your body, have more energy, or shed body fat, you need to stay consistent over time. You need to show up and do the work, put in the reps, and stay the course. Especially with nutrition, the research clearly shows that NO ONE DIET is better than another.
So, instead of jumping from new fad diet to another or restricting your favorite foods because they have too many carbs, simply avoid the fuck its and you’ll make progress. Here are my top 4 ways to do just that.
4 Strategies to Avoid Fuck Its
1) Understand eating behavior is wildly complex
Appetite, hunger, and cravings is a delicate neurochemical dance that’s insanely complex. Brain chemicals drive behavior and many of these chemicals are determined by other lifestyle factors like sleep, stress, travel, and environment. Becoming aware of this complexity is a huge first step in avoiding the fuck its.
Generally speaking:
Higher stress > greater chance of fuck its.
More travel > greater chance of fuck its.
Less sleep > greater chance of fuck its.
Chronic dehydration > greater chance of fuck its.
Alcohol buzz > greater chance of fuck-its.
This is why managing stress levels, getting adequate sleep, and staying hydrated is so important. When you do these things well, you automatically function better. You have more energy, less cravings, and ultimately make better decisions.
2) Set up the environment
When you’re tired from a long day of work, resisting the temptation of junk food will take huge effort. You’ll give in eventually. That’s why it’s crucial to not have junk food in the house. Not having this stuff around makes it much harder to spiral into the fuck its. Spend a few hours clearing out the kitchen of junk food. Keep the candy out of the office or at least out of visible sight.
If you’re really craving that dessert or special treat, make yourself go out and get it. Don’t have it laying around.
3) Slow the fuck down
When you get into the habit of eating slowly, you start to tap into your own wisdom – you start to feel what feeling full is like. You think more about why you’re doing what you’re doing. The fuck its rarely happen in a present, grounded state of mind.
Fuck its almost always occur when you’re escaping / not dealing with something else in your life. Take a deep breath and slow the hell down.
4) Have a plan when you fail
“Slipping up on your habits doesn’t make you a failure. It makes you normal. What separates top performers from everyone else is that they get back on track quickly. Make sure you have a plan for when you fail.” – James Clear
It’s not a matter of if but when.
You will fuck up. Keeping your expectations in check and knowing fuck ups will happen will better prepare you to get back on track. It’s not about judging yourself or feeling guilty, it’s about being kind to yourself, letting it go, and having a plan to get back on track.
Personally, I love the never miss twice rule that Clear lays out. “Maybe I’ll miss one workout, but I’m not going to miss two in a row. Maybe I’ll eat an entire pizza, but I’ll follow it up with a healthy meal. Maybe I’ll forget to meditate today, but tomorrow morning I’ll be oozing with Zen.”
It’s this planning of what to do next that will help you get back on track quicker and avoid the fuck its.
Progress, Not Perfection
Fuck ups will happen. But, if you simply recognize that it’s just a fuck up, and that you have the power to control what happens next, and you make a solid next decision, you avoid the fuck its. When you do this over and over again, you start to develop a superpower that allows to eat what you want when you want and still get the results you want.
If you want to learn more about how to actually do this in real life, check this out here. In fact, I’ve had dessert every single night for the past 6 months and am in the best shape of my life at 38. I plan to get even more fit by 40. And 45. 50 is going to be a great fuckin’ year.
Aging doesn’t have to suck, but you have to do the right things, avoid some common mistakes and most importantly avoid the fuck its at all costs!
